I just wanna be alone tonight (and that's a lie)

Went for sushi buffet today @ Sakae with Nicole! Had so many plates of tuna sushi I can die just counting the calories... Except I don't really care about calories hehe. Anyways it was pretty fun grabbing plate after plate anddddd the two of us ate 26 plates of sushi! And ice cream of course. Yumzzzz I love food :)

I sorta witnessed a death today. Apparently the taxi/van we (my family and I, after I met up with the rest at the airport to fetch my dad) took from the airport was passing by on this road and suddenly somebody in the car was like "there's been an accident!" And according to human reflexes I turned my head to look outside and saw this body which at one glimpse looked rather twisted. In weird angles. If you get what I mean. My dad saw the motorcyclist's helmet rolling on the road in front of the car anddddd yeah. An accident happened right there and then and a life was/might have been taken and now I just feel... relieved. Relieved that I'm still alive, and I'm still young; and I can still do everything in the world that I want to. And I still have the chance to make things right.

I'm a horrible person I'm a horrible person I'm a horrible person I'm a horrible person I'm a horrible person I'm a horrible person I'm a horrible person I'm a horrible person I'm a horrible person I'm a horrible person I'm a horrible person I'm a horrible person I'm a horrible person I'm a horrible person I'm a horrible person I'm a horrible person

So I've been weighing pros and cons and weighing pros and cons and weighing pros and cons and I know I've repeated that thrice and that's exactly what I've been doing. Okay not really. Restarttt. I've been thinking a lot and not thinking about things but thinking around things. Not thinking about solutions but thinking about avoiding. Not thinking about you but thinking about me. And it's time I thought about you so... I'm sorry. I know I'm horrible but I guess it's the best for everybody and I just don't want to put off this decision anymore. I hope you do understand and know that it was hard for me too. Cuz maybe it's time to stop lying to ourselves that this will work out because it will not and it's just making me tired and sick of myself. It's ripping off all my self-esteem and killing me every single day. I need to drop this pretense that everything will be okay... Yes I'm selfish. I'll admit that. I'm sorry.

Went to see Stella off in the morning. Why's everybody leaving? :(

Today I witnessed a heartwarming scene and it keeps replaying in my head like a radio stuck on replay. It just makes me wonder who truly loves me and who truly cares. I. Am. So. Jealous.

I guess life will never run out of goodbyes.