Unspoken feelings

One of the worst feelings in the world is when everything that happens is the direct opposite of what you've expected. Tried so hard to hold back those emotions but it was too hard. Way too hard.

Going to board tomorrow but I haven't packed a single thing. Still doing my chem tutorial and feeling lost because chem hates me like that. Life has been far from exciting. Well that's untrue to a large extent but currently it is the case. Starting to realise that I actually have a lot of work to do. Lately there has been too many changes which keeps things alive, but difficult. Really need a pattern to start forming soon.

How do you explain this hurt that I feel deep within me?