Weak moment

When I'm feeling the blues, I have this thing where I open the notes app on my phone and write down all my thoughts. I'm not sure whether it's because I get a personal space to rant on or that it helps me to organise my thoughts and make my direction clear, but in any case it always makes me feel a whole lot better.

When I felt terribly upset earlier on, I sat myself down at the playground, opened the app and struggled to form the words in my mind to put down. You know that feeling when a million thoughts race pass your mind and you still have no idea what you're really thinking about? I felt like there were a million reasons why I was feeling that way but none of them stayed long enough in my mind for me to even see and understand them. Now that I'm writing this down, it's becoming clear to me that none of these reasons stayed for long in my mind because they were all unimportant compared to the main reason why I was upset, which is also what I wrote down in the end with an unsettled mind -

"How will I ever be good enough?"

I'm not going to bother to explain this or talk about what exactly happened; I just want to say that it is not cowardice to feel weak sometimes. It is in fact an act of bravery to admit that you are not always up there, that you are not always strong.

And it's okay to not be strong. Just make sure you hit back, and even stronger the next time.